It’s Valentines Day – But What do You Do When You Hate Someone at Work?

A good friend – let’s call her Katy – shared with a group of us the other evening that there’s a woman she works with who is “awful”. She didn’t go into details, but said she was unwilling to even have a conversation with “Cruella” to clean up the bad vibes. And Katy said, “There’s a lot of other people at work who agree with me about her.” Uh oh.

So not only does she dislike this lady, but she is participating in gossip about her, gathering evidence about what a horrid person she is. I don’t know whether Cruella is incompetent, or wacko, or just plain mean, but I do know there is a cycle of misery in that workplace: Katy and the haters aren’t happy, and Cruella can’t be too pleased either. What can turn this cycle around?

Some of us suggested using one of the 4 ingredients in a Closure Conversation, i.e., one of the “4 A’s”:

  • Acknowledge the facts of the matter;
  • Appreciate them for what they have contributed;
  • Apologize for any mistakes or misunderstandings; and/or
  • Amend any broken agreements.

Katy could probably have used any one of these “A’s”, but I didn’t think she would. She seemed pretty dug into her position that this was a hopelessly unpleasant situation. In fact, she was hoping Cruella would lose her job soon. And she was working on a personal project to “take back her power”, and to get healthier (she had a nasty cough that night). So there.

Then a note landed in my email. It was addressed to everyone who was in the discussion the other night:

All,

Today I took some ground in my “taking back my power” project. I acknowledged the co-worker I told you about for the success of the project she has been managing. Yes, I did go talk to her! I pointed out several specific accomplishments of the project – the number of people reached, the materials and services provided to our community, and the huge impact we are having by delivering on the promises of our mission.

She said, “I couldn’t have done it without my team.” But I wouldn’t let her deflect the acknowledgment.  I said, “Yes, and you are the one who managed it.”

She was very guarded when I first approached her, as one would expect, but she was genuinely grateful for the acknowledgement. She said thank you. I will keep looking for other ways to acknowledge her.

Katy

Wow! That’s better than a Valentine, right? I’m betting this will change the atmosphere at work – for Katy, the other gossipers, and, especially, for Cruella. Plus, it probably also improved Katy’s health – is that cough is gone yet?

Gossip is a killer (see the 1/23/2017 blogpost) and damages workplace integrity along with reputations (everybody’s). It was great to see such a perfect example of someone who was swept up in a stab-fest take charge of the cleanup and rehabilitation of those involved. I predict good things here.

Last word from Katy: “Thank you for your much needed “gentle” nudge – aka – kick in the butt.” Last word from me: “That’s what friends are for.”

Tip #2 on Being Professional:  Managers and Supervisors, Listen Up!

Another type of communication that is unproductive – or harmful – is blaming other people. That’s when Person A tells Person B that someone else is responsible for a problem or mistake. Shane was a good example of the fallout from blaming. A new manager, he was disappointed with his 3 team leaders. “I give them deadlines but they never get things done on time. What should I do?”

It made no sense to me, because these were smart, qualified people who seemed serious about their jobs. I asked Shane if it would be OK for me to meet with each of them, one-on-one, to see if I could get an idea about what was happening. “Sure”, he told me, “but don’t expect much.”

What I learned from the 3 meetings was that each of those team leaders had been promised certain things that had not been delivered:

  • Erin was still waiting to hear about whether she was going to get tuition reimbursement for the classes she was taking to bring new technology solutions to Shane’s department. She was halfway through the semester and had started processing a loan to cover the gap.
  • Stephen didn’t know yet whether he was going to be able to book his flights to visit his family in London. The price on the flights was going up every day, but a key meeting date for his team still had not been finalized.
  • Sheryl was the newest team leader, and had not yet received the bump in salary that went with the move up from being a team member to a team leader. She didn’t know how long it would take to be processed, or whether it would be retroactive to her leadership start date.

All three were “on hold”, waiting for Shane to let them know when he would have the information that would eliminate their suspense. Stephen said, “Shane tells us that he is waiting too. He blames another VP – or another department, or sometimes just “corporate – for not getting back to him. We think he could get a decision, but he tells us it’s complicated and he doesn’t make it a priority.”

The fact that the team leaders were not reliably delivering on-time results to Shane might have been a deliberate form of payback. But I could see that they were just discouraged, and maybe taking Shane’s message to heart: Timelines don’t matter, and getting some details resolved quickly is not important when there are so many other things that need to be done.

Shane had not seen the pattern of delay-blaming- waiting until we talked about all 3 team leaders having such similar problems.  He got those decisions resolved the next day. “I see that underneath my excuses for not getting things done was a nasty habit of not taking timelines seriously,” he told me. “I’m going to put due dates for work and decisions of all kinds on our team calendar – then we can talk about them in our weekly meeting.”

Blaming others is too easy – and everyone sees through it anyway. Take charge of your commitments and get stuff done. Sometimes it makes everyone else around you step up to being more accountable for their work too!

Tip #1 on Being Professional – Courtesy of the Gossip Trio

Three people – two women and one man – were talking at a lunch table, and one of them waved me over. Even though I was an “outside consultant”, they updated me on their discussion: Althea, a senior manager, had done yet another “really stupid thing”. All three were giddy with delight over the fact that she had to deal with the fallout.

Althea had sent in a report compiled by the 5 managers who reported to her, and had not done a good job of editing it. There were typos, part of one contributor’s submission was left out, and her own recommendation directly contradicted what two of her managers had advised. The VP she sent it to called her in and asked her to revise it and submit a more professional version by Wednesday at 5:00 PM. Hee hee – confirmation that Althea doesn’t deserve to be a senior manager.

This trio said more than I needed to know, and when they began recalling other “idiot mistakes” she had made in the past, I excused myself. I learned the hard way that gossip conversations almost always – sooner or later – have some negative repercussions for the participants. I have known people who lost their jobs because their role in passing along a rumor was discovered. I have also known people who missed out on promotions because they shared negative information about a co-worker with someone they thought would keep it a secret.

The rule is this: If you share gossip about Andrew with your best friend Emily, you have also announced – to Emily – that you are willing to bad-mouth others. Think about it: when someone tells you something negative about another person, they going behind that person’s back to criticize them. Don’t you know full well that they are likely to do this to you as well? Gossip breeds mistrust.

I talked later with the “ringleader” of the Gossip Trio. She was a fairly high-level person herself, and we talked about what the consequences would be if the VP learned about their gossip-fest, and that they were taking pleasure in hoping that Althea’s mistake would cost her the VP’s respect. This “ringleader” realized it would not look good, nor help her own advancement, to be seen in that light. She resolved to pull herself out of gossip and backbiting conversations in the future. She went further, and told her two companions that it was time to give up saying negative things about Althea altogether – to each other or to anyone else.

Gossip is one of three types of “unproductive conversations”, but it’s worse than just being unproductive. It’s also destructive. It makes another person look bad, or foolish, or incompetent. At the same time, it makes the person who shares the gossip look unprofessional and immature.

As a mentor of mine once said, “Gossip is nasty – and it is SO seventh grade!” So nobody who does it in a workplace situation should expect to be seen as a respectable adult, right?

What You Want & By When: Managers, Leaders, and Schedules

One manager in a recent MBA class was provoked by a discussion about the importance of using schedules, and offered her opinion on the difference between leaders and managers. “I want to be a leader,” she said, “not a manager. What does scheduling have to do with leadership?”

Good question, actually. We were talking about a powerful way of getting things accomplished: making agreements. For the uninitiated, an effective agreement goes like this:

  • Request: Will you send me the Customer Survey Report by noon tomorrow so I have time to prepare for the Board meeting? (note the specific “what I want”, “by when”, and “why it matters to me”)
  • Response options:
    • Yes, I will do that. (acceptance creates an agreement)
    • No, I can’t, but I can have Karen do it first thing in the morning. (a counter-offer can create an agreement if it’s accepted by the one making the request, who, in this case, must now rely on Karen)
    • No, I can’t because the report hasn’t been finalized by IT yet. Sorry. (the decline bars an agreement on this request)

Our MBA-Manager did not want to be bothered with such mundane things as using a schedule, creating deadlines, or holding others to account for keeping their word. Perhaps she feels that leaders are too lofty for such things.

That is why my LinkedIn page has the header “Leaders Speak the Future. Managers Make it Happen.” The ability to ask “By When?”, however, and to follow up with someone who agrees to perform a task by a specific “When”, is not limited to managers only. But it does have more to do with a commitment to accomplishment than it does with being a Hero.

When we practice saying By When we’ll have something done, and asking others By When they will have something done, we develop a muscle that is particularly useful for producing results of any kind. Without that, you’ll have a conversation like the one I had with Stuart a while back:

  • Me: I’m giving a talk and hosting 3 panels at a conference the last week in May. If you have any research findings I could use to prepare for that, I would appreciate it.
  • Stuart: I haven’t gotten out my latest series of fact sheets yet, but feel free to bug me if you haven’t seen anything.
  • Me: OK, consider yourself bugged. I’d like an update by Friday May 8th at the latest.
  • Stuart: If you are relying on my memory, you are likely to be disappointed. So if you don’t hear from me, you may want to email me.

Seriously? They guy uses his memory instead of a calendar? And it becomes my job to “bug him”? Well, not much of a manager, but not exactly a leader either. Would you follow him up a mountain trail at dusk? No, me either.

I’m going to practice using By When even more often in 2017. It keeps me on track for what I’m committed to and what I’m interested in developing, plus it chases away some foolishness with people who aren’t serious about integrity or accomplishment. Say it with me: By When?

Change Champions: Commitment, Respect, and… Closure   

Intentional change requires a goal, a schedule, and at least one success measure. But change is still a challenge, whether it is a big reorganization or a small change to one little practice or habit. Just like New Year’s resolutions, we often rely only on creating a solid plan for success. News flash: that is not enough.

You – as an executive, a consultant, or an individual with a goal – need a Change Champion, sometimes called a “committed listener”. You need someone who agrees to having regular “closure conversations” to track the pace and direction of a proposed change. This person understands the goal, the schedule, and the success measure(s), and is committed to a successful outcome.

In organizations, the rule is that an effective Change Champion must have – or cultivate – genuine respect in every area of the organization that is affected by the change. Organizational Change Champions are willing to track the progress of a change – sometimes in partnership with a change-implementation consultant – and to see it through to the end. One consultant I know held a meeting with the 4 executives developing a change plan, but none of them wanted to be “hands-on” for the implementation. The consultant told them he would have to meet with them once a week throughout the whole 12-week change timeline. They agreed, reluctantly, but admitted at the end that those meetings were key to the change’s success.

Another consultant met with managers and supervisors in each area affected by the change and asked them where organizational changes had gone wrong in the past. She took their lists of pitfalls and communication breakdowns back to the senior managers and, after reviewing it, they chose one person as their best candidate for Change Champion. This gave the consultant a partner, someone to review the change’s progress and to make course-corrections as needed.

To make a personal change, your Change Champion needs to be someone you respect – someone who will listen to, and care about, your promise for change, and someone you don’t want to disappoint. This gives you a partner in checking progress, a resource for advice and guidance, and perhaps someone who can provide direct assistance. A friend of mine told the leader of her fitness class that she wanted to trim up her waist but couldn’t afford a personal trainer. The class leader became her “committed listener” and gave her extra advice during and after classes until she reached her goal.

Whether organizational or personal, effective change requires regular “closure conversations” – scheduled talks with a Change Champion – to check on where things stand with respect to the goal, the planned schedule, and the measure(s) for success. Because, after all, without a conversation for real-time tracking, you aren’t giving your own commitment the respect and attention it deserves.

Start 2017 with an enhanced ability to produce results by taking The Four Conversations online course. Specially priced in January for just $29.99 (usually $79.99). Purchase it today.

Ring Out the Old. Ring in the New.

Three people have now told me they are clearing out quite a few “unnecessaries” from their Outlook contacts and Facebook friends list. Interestingly, they have all attributed this purging to the “changing times”, especially visible in the last few months. I didn’t pick up any signs that this downsizing of friends and acquaintances is a product of fear or anger. A few quotes from these conversations suggest they are interested in making more substantive changes in the quality of their lives:

  • “My in-box had too much politics and disagreement for me,” Dan reported. “I have real work to do, plus I have a couple of charity projects that matter to me. Some of the emails I’ve been getting are asking me to join protests or movements that I don’t have time for. And frankly, some of them seem just mean or self-righteous. Count me out – I don’t want to be that kind of person!”
  • “I was caught up in getting a bigger set of friends,” Eva said. “I thought having a large Facebook group would show that I was popular and had influence. But I don’t like what I am seeing on my Home-feed page, where everybody who is in my circle gets to post their thoughts. Some of their comments embarrass me, and I don’t want my real friends to think those people speak for me.”
  • “All the turbulence in this last election cycle has been ugly,” Kim told me. “I just feel it’s time to do some housekeeping and clean up my circles of friends, associates, and acquaintances. If I delete the connections to people who are doing the most whining, criticizing, or arguing, it will make room for something new in my life. Like maybe, more positive conversations and more personal peace.”

Perhaps a little “un-friending” can be useful, to rearrange who we interact with and to give ourselves a more purposefully designed set of relationships.

Another friend mentioned that he was changing the media he reads. “I found an article that included a Media Quality Chart,” Alex said, “and when I clicked on the chart, I studied it for about 15 minutes. Then I decided it was time to update the kind of media I was looking at every day. I want a bigger picture of what’s happening. I want to know what is true and what is fake. And I don’t want so much drama in my life – the sob stories and fear-based news headlines are confusing and can be exhausting.”

It sounds like some advice I got from a wardrobe consultant once: “If you want a new silk jacket, you sometimes have to toss out an old polyester one.” Embarrassingly, she also took a suede shirt of mine out of my closet, held it up high in front of me and said, very slowly and deliberately, “This is not where you are going.”

There’s a kernel of truth in those ideas. It’s okay to get rid of things – and relationships – that no longer reflect who we want to be or where we want to go. Eliminating what we do not need might just create a space for something more true to our commitments and aspirations. Bring in the new!

What is a “Needs Assessment”?

Almost every HR initiative begins with a Needs Assessment. One HR training specialist announced to a group of manufacturing Operations Managers, “Our most important deliverable to you is the Needs Assessment.” The Operations Managers hooted. “We don’t need your needs assessment! We just need you to train our operators to use the equipment without breaking anything.” Sandra, the HR lady, burst into tears.

In the jargon, a “need” is a discrepancy between “what is” and “what should be.” That’s a big playing field on which a consultant can build an assessment investigation. And there are plenty of methods for doing that (just Google “needs assessment”). That’s a good thing, because HR – and consultants, both internal and external – need some way to determine what and where the organization’s problems are.

One tool we use – the Workplace Communication Assessment – is a survey that asks people about the issues they see daily in their organization. It’s quick – 56 questions – and lets each employee say what causes the biggest headaches in doing their jobs. The tool then tallies the answers by categories and prescribes a few ideas to include in a training program, based on the kinds of communication that will reduce or eliminate the problem.

Example: A recent client’s survey scores revealed that 3 types of workplace issues (out of 8 possible categories) were the most frequent barriers to their job effectiveness:

  • Poor planning and workload overwhelm – Too much work to do in too little time;
  • Lack of teamwork – People not working together or helping each other; and
  • Lack of accountability – People not “owning” their jobs or honoring their agreements.

We used the diagnostics that came back with the survey results to add four elements to our training programs for this client, putting each of “The Four Conversations” to work:

  1. Drafting a brief statement of each Department’s current goals and objectives that would go on the top of each Departmental staff meeting agenda.
  2. Getting the staff into Department discussion groups to make a list of ideas for improvements in (a) having clearer job results and schedules, and (b) interactions with one another and with other groups.
  3. Making specific agreements to adopt several of these ideas right away, and to review the progress at each Department meeting.
  4. Reviewing and updating the goals, ideas for improvements, and agreements at each Department meeting.

All of their “top 3” workplace issues began improving in just 1 month after implementing the ideas they developed in the training. The biggest surprise? They had not been having regular or standardized Department meetings at all – only meetings to solve problems or announce changes. They used the results of the Workplace Communication Assessment to invent their own staff meetings. One group leader for Development emailed me saying, “Now Staff Meetings are a thing! We have an agenda, we really talk, and we don’t get bogged down in side conversations that waste some people’s time.”

They put their “Needs Assessment” to work. Sandra would be pleased.

 

Supervisors: Neglected Knights of the Organization?

Pity the poor Supervisor. They don’t get invited to meetings of the Management Team. But they aren’t seen as completely trustworthy by the people they supervise, either – even if they had worked together with them for many years before moving up the hierarchy.

When someone leaves the “front-line” level of employees and moves up to the Supervisor level, they may also cross a line of confidence. From below, the Supervisor is perceived as having moved up to “management”, and presumed to be in cahoots with that “enemy of labor”. From above, the Supervisor is like a Medieval Knight – someone responsible for keeping the rowdy masses in line and paying attention to their jobs.

One client – Shirley – has found what I suspect will prove to be a good support structure for her Supervisors. She is setting up a monthly Supervisor’s Round Table to discuss the issues they learned about from the Organization Analyst’s Assessment she sponsored for her organization a few months ago. These Supervisors oversee the Front-Line staff, and this version of the communication assessment lets them see which issues are unique to that group. The “Big Three” communication issues for their Front-Line staff were:

  1. Equipment or systems are outdated, and/or some materials and supplies are insufficient.
  2. Changes are implemented without discussing them with the people whose jobs will be affected by the change.
  3. There are significant differences in the quality of work people do.

Since they got those Workplace Communication Assessment results, Shirley arranged for a half-day session where the Supervisors and Front-Line employees together reviewed the results and discussed the issues that were their biggest barriers. They also learned about which of the four conversations would help them address those issues. Interestingly, each of those issues calls for getting more practice in using “Closure Conversations” more effectively.

The plan for the first meeting of the Supervisors Round Table is to review the list of issues that were reported most often, and see if they are still big problems in their departments, or whether some of them have shrunk a bit. Shirley will facilitate the meeting, bringing copies of the Issues List and supporting the discussion. Subsequent meetings will have the Supervisors review their issues – and solutions – as a group, and develop ideas for solving whatever remaining issues they see. They also may host a follow-up Workplace Communication Assessment after a few more months to see what issues have moved up to take over the “Big Three” positions.

The biggest payoff for these meetings is not solving problems, but doing it together as a group of people who hold similar positions in their organization. They each have somewhat different responsibilities, due to the different circumstances and personnel in their areas. But being able to talk about their challenges is definitely the best benefit from their regular get-togethers to share and compare. Imagine: what if Supervisors weren’t the “neglected middle” employees, and had their own group to meet with? They could become a force to be reckoned with!

Management #2. When Things Change

I recently worked with an organization – I’ll call it Field Work Co. – that had downsized, taking an entire department and transferring it to another organization. It was a pretty big business deal – financial stuff, legal stuff, etc. It was also a pretty big deal for the social network of the organization, as people said goodbye to friends and associates. Some were even fearful for their own positions, worrying whether they would be next.

But the biggest problem of all was the fact that so many critical “productive relationships” were suddenly broken.

  • Karen had always been the hub for people who worked in the 5 Field Offices – they had always sent Karen their daily activity summaries, and she put the data into the template that tallied hours, service categories, and materials for the company’s quarterly report to the State. Now Karen was gone.
  • Delray was gone too. He had handled the schedules for Field Staff, assigning each person to their locations. He also entered the data for the inventory items the Field Staff used – he put it into the State Report template. That job was simple enough that anybody could be trained to do it. But how did Delray handle the scheduling of 23 people in at least 8 locations on jobs that lasted different lengths of times and were sequenced to reduce overall travel time? Delray took his experience with him, and the Field Staff are now pooling their knowledge to design a new scheduling system.
  • The now-missing Customer Care department was probably in a better place, folded into another Service Company that was organized for strengthening customer relationships. But the information they gave to Field Staff now comes from the Service Company’s website, which reports their customers’ feedback, problems, and questions in a new format that requires learning new software.

The Field Staff was under pressure to sort all this out.

As we said in last week’s blog, everybody is already managing lots of relationships – with banks, people, and schedules of all kinds. We decided to look at relationships in the Field Work Company. Our solution was to have all remaining employees in the Field Work Co. take our Workplace Communication Assessment (http://usingthefourconversations.com/organization-analyst-subscription). Out of the 8 different types of workplace problems, two of them were rated as the biggest:

  1. Poor Planning and Workload Overwhelm, including lots of unexpected “emergencies”, bosses giving assignments with no plan for the best way to get things done, and lack of clarity on where resources will come from.
  2. Lack of Teamwork, including people working at cross-purposes and making extra work for themselves and others, unclear goals, and lack of cooperation.

Organization change can cause chaos, and it can be hard to know what to do about it. The Workplace Communication Assessment – you can see the freebie version at http://usingthefourconversations.com/workplace-communication-assessment-2 – was the “Group Assessment Subscription” version that added up everyone’s responses. So we learned what they needed help with, and designed a ½ day discussion to sort out some ideas and possibilities. More on this next time!

Management #1. We Are All Performance Managers

I overheard two people talking about “management” – not the art and science of seeing work done to completion, but “those people who are messing things up at work”. I guess they don’t know what “management” is, so they use the word as a substitute for “managers” Here are a few things I’ve learned about those “management” people:

  • How do most people get to be managers? Usually, they did their job well enough to be promoted to a higher-level position, often without being given any special training that might give them confidence when they get there. Managers are very brave people!
  • What do managers do? Some focus on handling people issues at work. Others focus on tasks and activities, looking at whether people are busy or doing their jobs “right”. Some play politics, trying to move up the hierarchy. And some evolve to managing performance, focusing on interactions with others outside their group and coordinating the exchanges of goods and services.
  • How do managers evolve? New managers are assigned to “manage a group ”, so they naturally think they need to focus on people. Are the people in My Group happy? Busy? Doing their jobs correctly? At some point, most come to see the bigger world outside My Group: all those Other groups out there that want, need, and expect things from My Group. Plus, My Group wants, needs, and expects things from those Others too. That’s when they switch to focusing on performance.
  • Do all managers become performance managers? No, some keep the habit of managing people, or activities, or the politics of positions. But many come to see that managing the “inputs-and-outputs” of their Group creates valued connections to others inside and outside of the organization. Plus, it’s saner than managing people (and their attitudes) or tasks (activity isn’t always interesting) or politics (ewww).
  • What is performance management? The word “performance” means “to deliver thoroughly”. Performance management looks at what gets delivered – the products, services, and communications that go to and from My Group and all Others. If you manage a group of people, you look at what your Group is accountable for sending and receiving to support organizational goals and keep things going well. You identify all key deliverables and focus on those.
  • Can you improve performance? You already have a handy framework: You know what your Group sends and receives, and to whom and when, so now can you make those links better. Three steps: (1) Talk to Users/Customers – internal and external – to see what they really need and don’t need from your Group; and (2) Talk to your resource-providers to see how they can help satisfy those needs. (3) Then change the deliverables – stop sending or receiving some things, and start sending or receiving others.

So, are managers a select few who move up the food chain and direct groups and departments to connect effectively with other groups? Yes. And more – all of us are managers. Performance is a “relationship” – think of it as an arrow that connects you with someone or something else. Can you see the places in your life where you already manage “inputs-and-outputs” for yourself and others? A few examples – maybe you manage:

  • Your bank account, household, mobile phone use, or Facebook page.
  • Your schedule, entertainment options, or relationships with family, friends and co-workers.
  • Your diet, with food purchases or restaurant orders.
  • Or any of those things for someone else – a child, family member, or neighbor.

Bottom line: Watch what’s coming and going between you and the Other. Then make it better, smarter, easier. You’re a performance manager.